Here's how my week at work went, told, as always, in the form of an analogy:
me, to software developer: I downloaded the updated version of your program, as instructed. But now every day it locks up, and my fingertips turn bright purple. ( enter the analogy)
developer (to be fair, we have known each other for years): Ha ha ha ha ha!
me: I'm not joking.
him: I've never heard of anything that would cause that. Hey, listen, guys! (retells story to roomful of developers; much laughter ensues). Are you sure it's our program that's causing the problem?
me: When I quit the program, my fingers go back to normal. It takes awhile to quit the program, though, because it's hard to type with purple fingertips.
him: Try this...
me: Didn't work. But I found someone else with the same problem.
him: Two aren't enough. You need to find more people with the problem.
me: Or you could just help me re-install the old version.
him: (Walks me through it, pointing out along the way that I'm doing it wrong; I try his way.)
me: Now the old version of the program causes the same problem.
him: I talked to the IT department and they said purple fingertips are bruises and it means you are typing too hard!
me: Ha ha ha ha ha no. I know the difference between a bruise and this. And bruises wouldn't go away when I quit your program.
him: Okay, try this...
Meanwhile, trying to find more victims has resulted in a slew of advice on manicures, gloves, and other non-helpful options.
Some days, retirement shines bright.