Sometimes, the light at the end of the tunnel is Minnesota

Here's how my week at work went, told, as always, in the form of an analogy:

me, to software developer: I downloaded the updated version of your program, as instructed. But now every day it locks up, and my fingertips turn bright purple. ( enter the analogy)

developer (to be fair, we have known each other for years): Ha ha ha ha ha!

me: I'm not joking.

him: I've never heard of anything that would cause that. Hey, listen, guys! (retells story to roomful of developers; much laughter ensues). Are you sure it's our program that's causing the problem?

me: When I quit the program, my fingers go back to normal. It takes awhile to quit the program, though, because it's hard to type with purple fingertips.

him: Try this...

me: Didn't work. But I found someone else with the same problem.

him: Two aren't enough. You need to find more people with the problem.

me: Or you could just help me re-install the old version.

him: (Walks me through it, pointing out along the way that I'm doing it wrong; I try his way.)

me: Now the old version of the program causes the same problem.

him: I talked to the IT department and they said purple fingertips are bruises and it means you are typing too hard!

me: Ha ha ha ha ha no. I know the difference between a bruise and this. And bruises wouldn't go away when I quit your program.

him: Okay, try this...

Meanwhile, trying to find more victims has resulted in a slew of advice on manicures, gloves, and other non-helpful options.

Some days, retirement shines bright.